I was looking through the library shelves for books about owls when the librarian from across the room asked me when the public schools were done for the year. I nicely reminded her that we homeschool and then told her the date since my husband is a public school teacher.
It was then that the onslaught of questions about our choice to home educate began. It started out mildly enough because she “used to be against homeschooling, but these days (she) would probably consider it.” However, it didn’t take long for her questions and tone to show her disapproval of our family’s choice.
We live in an area that is pretty homeschool friendly, so this interrogation totally caught me off guard. There is a large community of homeschoolers and it’s mostly accepted as a reasonable educational choice for families. We still get asked questions about homeschooling on occasion, but it’s usually with genuine curiosity about how it works for our family.
I was so thankful my back was to her so she couldn’t see my face if she happened to glance over as she was returning books to their proper places on the shelves. I’m sure a whole gamut of emotions were playing out. Shock. Amusement. Frustration.
After I checked out my books and was driving home, I started thinking of all the questions about homeschooling that have left me scratching my head over the past nine years. I promise to do my best to keep my snark level to a minimum, but no guarantees.
Copyright: michaeljung / 123RF Stock Photo
Head-Scratching Questions About Homeschooling
What about socialization?
You knew this question had to make the list, right? As large as the homeschooling movement has become in the U.S., I honestly don’t know why this is a relevant question anymore. The majority of early Americans were taught at home and our country grew and thrived. Perhaps it’s time to get back to those roots, eh?
How do your kids make friends?
Just like every other person in the world. They meet someone, introduce themselves, and get to know each other. Okay, sometimes they start to play before exchanging names, little heathens.
What about bullies?
What about them? I’m still not sure how to answer this one. In a home where parents have taken an active interest in their children, they will be preparing them for life. Bullies and all.
Aren’t you scared you’ll mess up your kids lives?
Is there any parent who doesn’t have that concern cross their minds at some point regardless of school choice?
Oh, the schools are bad where you live?
No. I love being able to give that answer because it’s usually followed by a very confused face. Those people usually think the only logical reason for homeschooling is because of a failing school system.
Our oldest son attended one of the best elementary schools in our area through first grade. We chose to homeschool for several different reasons, but none of them had to do with a “bad” school. In fact, the two teachers that our son did have were a good match for him. I realize that we were blessed in this because so many other families have not had this experience.
Why aren’t you in school?
Why is it your business? ‘Nuff said.
How will your children learn how to play games/stand in line/etc.?
If all we did was keep our children at home and never even let them interact with their siblings, then maybe I could understand this question more. We go to church, participate in a homeschool co-op, sing in the children’s choir, take karate classes, and more. We know how to do these things and do them well. Well, maybe we could work on standing in a straight line versus a zigzag.
Don’t you get tired of being with your kids?
Here’s the thing, they are my children. They are my responsibility. If I send my children to public school just to have a break from them, then perhaps I need to reevaluate things. Parenting is an incredibly hard job. Do I wish for quiet some days? You betcha, I’m an introvert who has five children. Does the clash of personalities sometimes overwhelm me? Yes, yes, yes. But these are my people. If I’m tired of being with them, then it means something needs to change. That something is usually me. Maybe I need to add some new parenting strategies to my toolbox. Maybe I just need a nap and a root beer.
Why don’t you go to real school?
For the love, please don’t ask my children this question. Homeschooling is not inferior or less than public school. We are not “playing” school at home. We take our children’s education seriously. We believe that all parents are responsible for their children’s education regardless of the location it is received. Does our homeschool look different than public school? Yes, and that’s one reason we love it.
And this last question, it truly does stump us sometimes…
What grade are you in?
If you want to make my children think hard, ask them this question. We have plenty of activities that requireus to identify our children with a specific grade level, but because it’s not an every day topic it can take them a minute to come up with an answer.
What questions about homeschooling have you been asked that has left you scratching your head? If you don’t homeschool, is there a question about homeschooling that you have? I’d be happy to answer it. If it’s asked nicely. 😉
This post is part of iHomeschool Network’s Questions I Am Asked About Homeschooling link-up.
Dsen says
I was asked the line question once when we were standing in a perfectly straight line at Walmart. I had to take a double take at the woman and ash her if she thought they weren’t learning right now. The socialization one only comes up when my kids are successfully socializing at the playground, dance class, church picnic, etc. I think the most shocking question ever was ~ Don’t you wish you could do something important with your life instead of being trapped at home with your kids? What???
Blessings, Dawn
Jo says
Oh Dawn, I’m cracking up at the line question scenario. What more proof do you need? lol And that last question, mercy! You’re doing the most important thing there is to do on this planet. Raising the next generation is no joke.
Dana says
We get the “what grade are you in?” a lot! My children get a mildly confused look on their face, so I usually step in at that point. Two of my favorite comments, so far (this is only the end of our second year homeschooling): “Are you out of school because you are on spring break? Oh, homeschool. Well, its basically spring break every day for you!” “Where you a teacher before or did you just wake up one day and suddenly decide to try to teach your children?” I also find a great number of people want to try to “quiz” my children in math, history, spelling, etc.
Jo says
Yes, as if you haven’t taught your children anything since birth, right? lol 😉 And the quizzing, sigh. I’ll never understand why people think they have the right to do that.
Twila says
Oh My Lord! This kills me!
“Where you a teacher before or did you just wake up one day and suddenly decide to try to teach your children?”
That’s when I would’ve responded with something like, “Where you always an idiot or did you just wake up one day and suddenly decide to try and be a moron?!”. Lol! I have handicap plates but not a visible handicap so we get things like this from all sides. 🙂 Thankfully my son has inherited some of my sarcasm so it can get really funny sometimes!
Della says
I am done with homeschooling; our youngest finished last year. The people who think they deserve to QUIZ my children!!! I had to stop going around a few people due to this extremely rude behavior-I think of it as adults bullying kids. One of my kids just started quizzing the quizzer until they got the idea that they were maybe a little out of line with their questions. Had a 4H leader do this, and then she grilled me about my “accountability”…I was eventually like, Lady, if I screw them up, I live with them for the rest of my life! Obviously I am going to responsibly teach my offspring! Mercy! Glad we’re done, but I would do it ALL over again!
Denise says
Once when my child was being friendly with a girl with Down Syndrome, her mother started quizzing her because she was homeschooled. I was stunned. When I was in school, hardly anyone in public schools would associate with anyone “different.” My daughter didn’t even know this girl was “different” because my child wasn’t taught that by the “socialization” in public school. I wondered how many public school children would have tried to befriend the girl with Down Syndrome.
Twila says
This stuff infuriates me. When my son was little he tried to play with some children (who happened to be hispanic) and they told him he couldn’t play with them because he’s “white”. He came over crying, told me what happened, and said “I’m not white. I’m apricot.”. To this day he’ll play with anyone and just sees them as fellow kids. Thankful for his sweet heart.
Jo says
What a sweet girl you have. I don’t understand why anyone thinks they have the right to quiz homeschool children. Let’s at least be equal opportunity here and quiz all the children. haha
CabotMama says
Thank you for a refreshing post! The empathy & humor were much needed today! Here are a few of the most common questions/comments I’ve encountered.
The one that most breaks my heart: “My kids don’t listen to me as it is – I can’t imagine getting them to listen to me teaching them!”
The one that makes me chuckle: “If they’re at home, don’t they think they can just play video games all day?” Kind of hard since we don’t have any video game players…. Besides, they’re conditioned sitting at the school table by 9 am each morning. 🙂
Of course, there are always those who must ask: “Will they be able to go to college?” I did due diligence at some well known schools – and yes, they happily accept qualified homeschoolers – just like public and private schools. But honestly, if our kids want to go to trade school, we won’t mind. We know some very well-off, happy plumbers who get to go to their kids’ soccer games instead of late nights at the office….
And then there is the inevitable: “Wow! You must be a really organized person!” Well, yes, but I know lots of unorganized people who homeschool very well. And I myself had some very disorganized public school teachers!
Cristy says
I am always baffled when others are baffled by my wanting to spend all day with my kids. They’re my children – I LOVE having them with me! If a parent can’t stand to spend time with his/her own child, I think they need to take a hard look at that situation. My only regret about homeschooling is that I didn’t start it sooner!
Kelley T. says
I LOVE this list!!!
We have only been homeschooling for 1 year now (7th & 4th). We have gotten it all.
Yes, my kids self regulate and wake up when they are ready, not when the 7am school bus says so.
Also, my pet peeve…of quizzing. That frustrates me to no end. I think I will just start responding by quizzing the adult back…let’s see if they’re smarter than a 5th grader!
I got this comment from my sister (no kids)… “Homeschooling is like a ‘real’ thing where we live, they have to get their books from the school district.” I just had to breathe through it. Thankfully we were at a busy dinner table with multiple conversations. I have done the equivalent of 4 years of research in the past year. I fall asleep with a book or the computer every night to be one step ahead of them.
Yes, I do get tired being with them 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. That’s why I get up at 5 am to pray, walk, swim, read my bible and drink strong coffee…not all in that order or on every day but you get my point. I have to take a breath so I can love them to the best of my ability. They are mine, I adore and respect them and wouldn’t trade this experience for the world. I only wish we had done it sooner. But everything has its own season.
Thanks for letting me rant, it will help my unsocialized homeschoolers survive another horrible day of rest and relaxation, while reading aloud on an uncomfortable bed. 😉
Oh and one more thing for the skeptics…No, I didn’t give up my career. Right now I am prioritizing. It’s on temporary hold. I work part-time outside of the home. Once they are graduates, a new season will begin for me, but right now it’s their time.
Jo says
I totally think you should start quizzing those people in return. Equal opportunity quizzing for all! 😉
Arwen says
Haha! Maybe I’ll tell my kids (especially my civil war buff) that if anyone starts asking them school-type questions, they should respond in kind. Like a trivia game, right?
Chris Pepple says
We homeschool, and my kids are in a bowling league. When people were quizzing us one day about socialization, I mentioned that we were part of a homeschool bowling league among many other things we do. The person actually said, “Do homeschoolers actually go to a bowling alley to bowl?” I just didn’t answer that one…I knew if I opened my mouth, something really sarcastic would come out like, “No, we just set up plastic cups and roll oranges in our driveway.” Of course we go to a bowling alley!! We are not avoiding public areas! We are on the go often!
Jo says
Oh my goodness, I am so glad I wasn’t drinking something when I read plastic cups and oranges! I think that person got the stereotype of unsocialized homeschoolers mixed up with anti-social homeschoolers. 😉
Amelia says
One evening, we were pulling weeds in the front yard. The kids were yards away with a huge group of neighborhood kids–playing basketball. A neighbor walking his dog stopped to talk to us. The kids had come running by a couple of times, chasing after the ball. So–it was very obvious our boys were running around with this huge group of neighborhood kids. Homeschooling had somehow come up and the neighbor’s first question was “But what about socializing with other kids?”
Um….
I guess it only counts if it is done on weekdays, with kids their own age, within the four walls of a school.
One of my pet peeves is people who say, “I admire you. I could never spend that much time with my kids.” We’re a very close knit family and that comment just makes me so sad. I hate hearing it. It all goes so fast. I’m beyond grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to have them home and to be here for them. I can’t even imagine how fast it would all seem if we all went our separate ways every day.
Gabrielle Topping says
my most common question is, “how long will you do it?” “even high school?” or some form of that.
I’m not sure why strangers need my 5 year plan or if they will remember my answer and therefore rest at ease (or toss and turn at night) over my family.
I usually answer that I’l do it as long as it keep working for our family… becuase we are thriving.
Someone once asked me about socialization – and then told me that my daughter looks like a ‘loner’. Which made me laugh since she was standing surrounded by her 4 siblings.
Not sure what a loner looks like…or why its a naughty word… but im pretty sure that it would require some form of ‘being alone’ which in a family of 7 is not an easy thing to be!!!
Holly says
Our Scout troop in MO had several homeschoolers and it was great! … Once when a new Scout joined and when asked what grade he was in he immediately looked at his Mom! All the homeschoolers were laughing. 🙂
Niki says
I am a student and I homeschool our 3 children (my youngest is 11) We do lessons in the evening and afternoons or on weekends – just like we did BEFORE I went back to school, because that is when my kids learn the best.
Last semester a classmate asked me:
“How can you homeschool them if you are here during the mornings?”
Uhhh…..
Krysta says
I have a very unique situation in being a former classroom teacher and married to a homeschool graduate. His youngest sibling is an Assistant DA. ?
I have rarely got the college question, but I know it is a frequent one. My eldest also has special needs (cerebral palsy and low verbal so we use Sign Language) that make him being “different” very obvious to a casual observer. I got very used to inappropriate questions very early on so I have learned to head off the most common ones.
For the college question I usually laugh, mention the sister and inform them that most colleges prefer homeschool students.
For the socialization I usually don’t wait on them to ask but tell them “Oh, yeah! It is SO much better for their socialization skills since they spend time around a wide variety of ages, and learn to deal with a wide variety of people instead of only being around a large group of people their own age and forced to sit still and quiet for 8 hours a day. Do YOU only hang out with people your same age? Do you sit still for 8 hours a day? Even teachers don’t do that!” It basically stops that line of questioning. ?