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The following is a guest post from my sister, Jessica Burke.
We have some curls around my house. A lot of crazy hair going on around here!
When I was a child, my hair was a coarse texture with some body but as a teenager it became very curly. As a child of the 80s and early 90s my hair was brushed out. I also had the obligatory bangs of that decade. It was pretty bad. If I wasn’t so vain I’d show a picture, but I’ve thrown most of them away. Seriously, it was bad.
Starting in my junior year of high school I straightened my hair for the next 2-3 years. If you don’t know anything about curly hair, I mean really curly hair, you wouldn’t understand how long that process takes. I’d spend 2-3 hours several times a week blowing drying it out to get rid of the kinks and then flat ironing it to make it smooth. It looked good unless it was humid or rainy.
When I was about 19 years I discovered one of the best inventions ever- mousse. I learned how to manage my curly hair and began to love it. I also appreciated that I had anywhere from 4-9 extra hours a week because doing my curly hair only took a few minutes compared to the hours I had been spending on straightening it. (It didn’t hurt that my high school sweetheart told me I should never straighten my hair again because he loved my curls so much. I kept him around and he loves our children’s curls too!)
When I found out I was pregnant with our first daughter, I told my husband I was making a few solemn promises to her. He expected something deep, philosophical, and ideological. He obviously doesn’t understand the significance of a mother saving her daughter from years of therapy over her bad hair.
My first promise was that I would never brush out her hair. We haven’t owned a brush in I don’t know how long.
My second promise was that I wouldn’t allow her to have bangs until she was old enough to understand the consequences of them.
Those are weighty promises! 🙂
For those of you struggling with your little girls’ curls, I’d like to share a few tips that we use around here on my girls’ beautiful hair.
Curly Hair Tip 1
First of all, don’t brush out their hair! After I shampoo it, I put a lot of conditioner in it (mostly at the ends) and while the conditioner is in their hair, I detangle it with my fingers or a comb if necessary. If you run your fingers, a comb, or a brush through it after the conditioner is out of their hair, you’re separating the curls and creating frizz. The worst thing you could do is run a brush through it when it’s dry. Think really big hair circa 1990.
Curly Hair Tip 2
If your daughter has fine curly hair like my girls do, conditioner is probably enough. If her hair is coarser, you may need to find a good product to help hold the curl. Because my girls have thin, fine hair, they don’t need any product. For my hair, I use some of the products from Deva Curl
Curly Hair Tip 3
Find a hair stylist that knows curly hair. I only go to a stylist that has been through the Deva Curl training. I pay a little more for it too, but since I go about every 4-6 months when my ends start looking a little dry, it isn’t too bad. Right now I cut all of my children’s hair (our son gets a hair cut probably every 3 months and the girls 2-3 times a year when their ends are dry). I know there will be a day when I have to take the kids to someone and (gasp) pay them for a haircut. When I do, I’ll have to cough up the money for a Deva Curl stylist for the girls as well.
I would hate to leave out a note about my son’s hair. He has a great head of moppy curls that we all love (including him!). I cut it when it starts hanging over his eyes. I have no idea how to properly cut hair so I just slowly eyeball it. We haven’t had a disaster haircut in a while. He washes it with shampoo and does nothing else to it. Sometimes it is really crazy but it is always cute. If he still has the curl when he’s older, I’ll help him out with some product to hold the curls a little tighter (and more predictably) but for now at age 8, he doesn’t really want any extra steps.
Those are my main tips for doing your daughter’s curly hair. What other questions do you have? Have you found any great products for curly hair? Did you ever have a hair disaster?
Jessica Burke is married to her high school sweetheart and a homeschool mom to 4. After 3 years of living in Eastern Europe, her family settled in NC where her husband works in full-time ministry. She loves reading, being outside with her family, and traveling.
Sam says
Hi Jessica! i love your blog, my 3yr old son has the same hair as your little boy! It is rather unruley, but i love each and every curl 🙂 and at the moment we are doing the same as you, just shampoo and conditioner, sometimes i use a wide comb to go through them. i cut it myself two, and in 3 years, i think ive only given him 1 or 2 bad cuts lol, im quite good at it now, im scared to take him to the hairdresser incase they take too much off lol. im sure ill go at some point though x) He gets his curls from his daddy 🙂 thanks for the read xxx
Rachel says
Hi Jessica, thank you so much for these tips. My 4 yo has a gorgeous mop of curly hair and I must admit I’ve been doing all the don’ts you mention! I’ve always had straight hair and I am completely clueless when it comes to curls. Molly gets the curls from my mum who lives on the other side of the world (Australia) to me who is in England.
I’m going to take your tips on board starting tomorrow, no more brushing, only combing when wet if necessary. Bless my daughter, she always looks at the other girls at school with their long straight hair and wishes she had long straight hair like them and mummy too. Her hair is gorgeous and I hope with your tips I’ll be able to do it better and that she’ll learn to love it too!
Caley says
If it gets frizzy add a dab coconut oil in it to smooth it out.and I mean a dab. Like peas size. Also make sure she keeps her hair long. Curly hair is best very long. Don’t ever cut it short, she will get football head. And last but not least, every mom of a curly headed girl needs to learn how to do a tight french braid worse case scenario, she has a bad hair day, you wet it, you braid it, she’s good to go. Show her Taylor Swifts old music videos for a little pick me up. When she wants straight hair.
Brooke says
I love the old Taylor Swift video mention! That’s what sparked my own love of my curly hair. Great reminder!
Rozina says
Hi Jessica ,thanks for sharing this. Can you plz share the name of shampoo and conditioner that u use for ur kids.. thanks again 🙂
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Jimae Edwards says
I really like using Aussie moist shampoo and conditioner in my daughter’s hair it is the best ever. She has curly hair but it is mixed but white people hair texture. I have used a lot of shampoos and have been using this for about a year. Best one yet. Sh3 is 7 years old. I also use a hi of coconut oil in it to keep frizz down.
Sarah says
When did you stop using baby wash as an overall wash for your daughters? Mine is about to turn 2 and just like me her curls have become more pronounced. Just wondering about which steps are.a good transition into establishing her hair care routine. Thanks!
Christina says
Thank you for this breakdown! I have very straight hair and my daughter inherited her dad’s curly hair. My daughter rubs her head on her pillow at night and it creates a matted mess that is really difficult to comb out, even with conditioner. What do you suggest in that situation?
Mareesa says
I would like to know the answer to this also!
Rachel says
I have the same problem! Compounded by the fact that my daughter’s a night owl and does not like having to get up early for school, so I can’t exactly pop her in the shower and soak her hair with conditioner every morning. It’s so fine that it does not cooperate well with the heavy creams that most curly hair care products are sold as – I just need something I can spray on and run through with a comb or detangling brush in a few minutes!
Anna says
Braid their hair at night! One braid for side or stomach sleepers, two for back sleepers so it doesn’t make an uncomfortable lump under her head. Also, a satiny pillowcase lets hair slide around more easily and reduces tangling. I really wish my straight-haired parents had known this when I was a kid, it has saved me so much time and pain in the mornings.
Brandi says
It is recommended to use a silk pillow case. This helps everyone, actually. It manages tangles and promotes hair growth.
DIANE (nana) says
That’s our problem as well , some mornings it’s a nightmare , do you think a hairnet would help?
Jessica says
Try a silk pillow case or even a silk head wrap. That may help with the knotted mess on the back of the head. My kids get it too.
Joy says
Hi Jessica! I would love a tutorial on how you trim your daughters’ curly hair! My little girl’s split ends are a nightmare and I’d like to take care of them myself, if at all possible!
Jessica says
Have you ever read the book Curly Girl? It walks through how to trim curly hair. I try to follow their advice. If you go to someone, try to find a Deva Curl stylist that will cut it dry. Not all Deva Curl stylists as as good as others, but I won’t go to a stylist (or take my kids to one, although I still cut their hair even 11, 9, 7, and 3) who isn’t trained in Deva Curl styling.
Carrie says
My daughter has fine, curly hair and also makes a mess of it when she sleeps. We have a leave in conditioner by Original Sprout. I put a little of that in her hair and then a spray bottle of water for the mornings and that seems to work well. It also smells amazing!
Lisa says
My 2 year old has curly hair, a lot of it, and this straight haired mama is at a loss. What hair clips do you recommend to keep the hair out of their face? Her hair is not fine but not course. Its tends to get weighed down in the front. And thank you for the tips!
Anna says
My 11 year old has curly hair- I’m dreading his 5 day school trip away. Ahh how will he do his hair on his own! I have images of him having bed hair in photos! At the moment I was and leave in conditioner. When he doesn’t wash it I have to use water and conditioner in my hands- and i scrunch it. Any advice about him managing it on his own?
Michelle says
Hey Jessica, my 3 year old has hair just like your daughter’s. I’m taking her for a cut tomorrow only to even out the back. She has two ringlets that are really long, basically a curly mullet. We are going to a kiddie salon that someone recommended to me and the stylist is supposed to be good with curly hair. I’m super nervous! Just wondering, should I be expecting a dry cut?
Elisa says
Hi Jessica – I am a straight haired mama with a five year old who has gorgeous loose fine girls. Here hair was so slow to grow and let it go forever and then finally gave her her first cut myself around age 4! Planning to take her to the salon next week to cut some of it off before kindergarten starts in a few weeks. I feel like shoulder length looks cute on kids with that type of hair but definitely open for suggestions! Also, do you cute it dry? I did wet, and just went around straight. I do brush it bc it gets so tangled overnight! I’m going to try some heavier conditioner and see how that goes! Thanks for sharing! Elisa
Anne says
I feel bad… I’ve been brushing my daughter’s hair this whole time. She doesn’t have curly hair like your daughters do, it’s only a bit wavy, but wavy enough that brushing it after her bath each day can sometimes be an ordeal. I’ll try doing what you said and see if we can get away without brushing it at all. I never even considered that as a possibility.
Rachel S says
brushing isn’t all bad, it just depends on hair texture, what you’re using and how you’re doing it. i brush my daughter’s hair using a wet brand detangling brush, i get it damp first and spray in detangler, and when i wash her hair (about once a week) i use a 2-in-1 and then follow up with more conditioner. it’s curly enough to make ringlets but not super kinky so that works to keep it smooth and pretty.
Brooke says
My daughter has curly hair and she gets it really tangled sometimes. I find that if I brush out her hair before a shower or bath and not at all after it helps with the knots and leaves her curls intact.
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